This is just something that has been pressing on my heart lately and a post I made on Facebook sparked me to just write a quick blog post on it. The post read:
“For the sake of my sanity, I mentally block a lot of current events out. When something happens and it’s all on my TL, I graze over the caption and 9/10 I scroll by it. I do this not to NOT deal with whatever it is, but because if I take all of it in at once, I’d lose my mind. So, I take a little in at a time so that I can regulate my emotions and properly process things mentally. I challenge you to do whatever you have to do to take care of your mental health. If you need to delete apps, turn off the TV, turn off the radio, block people, or whatever, do it. The world does not need anyone else who does not have control over their own mind.”
This, for the past three months, has been my philosophy. I live by it, swear by it. I thank God that as this year progresses, I am learning everyday how to control my mind and learning how to do whatever is needed to preserve my mental health. It is so much going on today and as a black woman and as a Christian I feel like I am having to dodge so many darts being thrown my way and if I am honest, some days I am just TIRED. Tired of trying to balance being black, being a woman, and being a Christian. Trying to figure out how to respond to different current events has become such a chore. If I went with my first thought I would be angry every. single. day. Every day. Not a day would go by that I would not be angry because every day SOMETHING is happening. And I mean, I guess that would be fine if it did not go against the Word that is in my heart. So, now there is this battle for my soul taking place between Anger and God. To know that I can be sitting here, seemingly calm on the outside, but on the inside I am SCREAMING, is a scary thought because I wonder just how many other people are out here on the verge of losing it?
I wish I was able to just not care. I have actually tried. I failed. It is just not in me. I am learning that the way God has made me, I tend to feel things deeper than most people, I see things differently than most people. No one even knows this about me but I cry so much. Not even for myself. I can handle the things that life throws at me, that’s cake. I cry because every day I wake up I see someone else that is hurting, someone else whose heart is hardened towards that person, someone else who feels the hurt of that person but is allowing anger to consume them, and then others who just do not care, and I do not know what I can do to fix it. So, then it becomes this burden that I am carrying around with no one to really talk to about it. A lot of times, I cannot talk to another black person about it because many of us are turning away from and are positioning ourselves against the God I serve, and I cannot take that counsel. Just like I am unapologetically black, I am unapologetically a believer in Christ and anything against that, I am against. I feel as if I cannot talk to many other Christians because unless it has to do with homosexuality, we have quietly resolved to just ignoring it. The world knows where we stand on that but when it comes to the gross injustices that are plaguing our nation, all we can come up with is, “Trust in the Lord, He knows all” and have resorted to victim blaming and it’s a cop out. So here I am stuck in the middle and I am tired. So very tired.
But it’s in that tiredness that I hear ever so sweetly…
Oh the sweet relief that comes from simply unplugging. No phone, no social media, no people. Just candles burning, tea infusing, and listening to music and videos that speak to my weary soul. The time that I spend unplugged is time spent decompressing and sitting at the feet of God while my heart cries, “Abba, Abba.” It is Him that I look to for answers because I cannot find them in people. It is in Him that I find my strength, and it is in Him that I find rest. Now more than ever I am finding out how important it is to pull away because if I continue to try to process the happenings of this world on my own, I will eventually succumb to the ever present emotion of anger. My soul will become weak and mentally I will become fragile. He is teaching me how to set up guards and mentally block out things in order to filter them through Him. As I do these things I challenge you to do an evaluation on how you have been feeling lately. How are you mentally? If you are feeling drained, tired, or emotional, join me in just unplugging for a moment. Whether it be a day, a week, or however long you feel that you need, be intentional about taking care of your mental health. Do whatever you like to do that you feel centers you and calms you. Take time for you.
Peace & Blessings…
P.S. I’ve been reading and meditating on the entire book of Habakkuk and James 1 (1 is so good that I cannot seem to make it to chapter 2). There is a lot of wisdom in both and I can honestly say that they both helped me to look at things differently.