I’m currently preparing to call it a night and as usual I’m having full dialogues and conversations in my head. Playing out scenes and scenarios that would never happen but it helps to excerise my imagination so I’ll let it play until I fall asleep.
As I’m laying out clothes for tomorrow’s workday I have this thought that interrupts all my other thoughts…
“It’s not me doubting God, it’s me doubting myself in Him. I have this deep inner knowing that He is the one true living God, so that’s not in question. The wavering in faith and all of the doubts that I often times have is in the fact that He, being all that He is, wants me. Fully and completely. Messed up, flawed, and all. Me. I KNOW that He can do all things but can He do them through me?”
I don’t know. I tell myself, “even me, Lord, even me. I know that you can use even me.” but do I really believe it? Not really. Maybe in a moment of excitement and zeal. But, once that moment fades…
Maybe one day I’ll really see that even me.
Yet and Still, Life is Good.